Evening Comics Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

TV's leading entertainers spent their broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, called the "golden visa," portraying it as a obvious pay-for-access arrangement for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday jingle about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he touches."

Colbert's target was the controversial program which allows foreign individuals to buy U.S. residence for the price of $1 million dollars, or "premium" option for 5 million. An official page pledges approval "in record time."

"A brief note for you to rich foreigners: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also intended to "extract cash" from businesses wishing to hire foreign workers, with large fees. "That's a lot of fees, however if you register, you also get two free nights at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"The best screening the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will permit rich international individuals to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your choosing."

"Maybe it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the simplicity of the application, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval ratings during financial anxiety. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a attempt to address affordability, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking conservative news coverage of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.